We begin our story in Sioux City, Iowa - where I had been sent for a business
trip a little over two years ago. The eternal optimist, I asked the
just-out-of-High School concierge if he knew of a good bar within walking
distance… and he replied that I should try out Buffalo Alice's.
Well, the pimply-faced concierge was dead on with his recommendation. Upon walking in, I was immediately transported out of Sioux City, and into a venerable alcoholic mecca. They had hundreds of craft brewed and imported beers available, and their selection of liquor rivaled what could be found in the best bars of San Francisco and New York.
After two or twelve beers (I can never keep those numbers straight) and some light conversation with the bartender - a 50+ year old Sioux City born and bred local - I decided to partake in the distilled version of my favorite beverage, beer, and asked for a dry rye Manhattan.
The bartender looked at me, turned around to survey the alcohol selection and paused as if to ask me a question. He glanced back at the wall of liquor and then asked, "Well, I've heard of a Manhattan… and I know it uses whisky, and I'll gladly make you one… but can you tell me how to make one and then how to make it both dry and rye?"
Maybe it was the beers or maybe it was his genuine concern over the fact that he had no idea of how to make this classic cocktail, but instead of simply ordering another beer, I decided to teach him how to prepare a perfect Manhattan. Four or five tries later, he had it down like a pro.
It's scary that bartenders these days have no idea how to prepare a classic cocktail. Sure, most of them know how to make the simple vodka drinks like a Martini or a Cosmopolitan, but once you venture into the mysterious land of Whisky or Gin, most bartenders draw a complete blank.
The reason most often cited by a bartender when cornered by a knowledgeable patron looking for a seemingly innocuous drink is that they never get a call for it; stating that people either tend to order two part drinks like vodka and tonic or rum and coke or they order off of those silly little cocktail menus provided by most restaurants these days.
The cocktail menu: the bane of every good bartender's existence. These little menus tend to offer outrageously named drinks with enough fruit juice to deaden the taste of the rotgut alcohol used. Here, you can find Blue Hawaiians (rum, coconut milk, cream, pineapple and blue curacao), Martian Meltdowns, Slippery Nipples and the occasional Zombie… drinks that are essentially pre-made every morning and served to an unknowing population
Then there is the more sinister high class cocktail menu. Inside these leather-bound guides, you will find "classic martinis" along the likes of Chocolate Martinis (vodka and crème de cacao), Tartinis (cranberry vodka with a twist), a James Bond Special (usually Smirnoff vodka and a ton of olives, which, amusingly, is not the choice of the classic 007… he preferred his martinis made with gin), Mexi-tinis (made with silver tequila). These drinks require a little more skill than the drinks found on the other type of menus, but the strongly flavored vodkas tend to cover up a multitude of errors and sins.
But is this truly an acceptable excuse for the reason that most bartenders have less in common with the mixologists of yesteryear and more in common with the counter jockey at McDonalds asking if you want Coke or Sprite with your burger?
I think that the real reason for the lack of bartending skills in this country is that most bartenders are college kids that are used to drinking fru-fru drinks and cheap beer. They have never ventured to drink whisky or gin on their own… and since they have no taste for it, they have no idea how it should be prepared.
Well, here is the trick to making classic cocktails that I'm going to pass along to all of the bartenders, both armchair and professional, who take the time to read this article.
First off, keep a copy of the Mr. Boston's Bartender Guide with you at all times. That way if you ever forget the following rule, you have something to fall back upon. Ok - now for the simple rule of how to make a classic cocktail!
Repeat after me: Two parts strong to one part sweet to one part sour.
If you remember this simple rule, you can make almost any tequila, vodka or whisky drink. Remember the following two corollaries and you can make anything.
Corollary One - Gin counts as both the strong
and the sweet.
Corollary Two - You can substitute one part sour for one shake of
Angostura bitters.
Let's look at how these rules apply. To make a margarita, instead of picking up the pre-made sour mix, try 2 ounces of tequila (strong) to one ounce of triple sec (sweet) to one ounce of lime juice (sour). Thinking about making a cosmopolitan? Try two parts vodka to one part cranberry to one part lime.
Apply the corollaries and you can make all sorts of classic drinks like: gimlets (3 ounces of gin (strong and sweet) and once ounce of lime), pink gins (3 ounces of gin and one shake of bitters) and yes even a Manhattan - which is classically made with two parts of rye whisky, one part red (sweet) vermouth and a shake of bitters.
That's how I taught the bartender at Buffalo Alice's to make his first Manhattan. Every time he'd mix one up, he always poured himself a taste first and then asked if it was right. Some times I would tell him it was a bit watery (the ice wasn't cold enough) or a bit warm (not shaken long enough)… but when he finally hit on the perfect combination, he savored the serving he poured himself… locking it permanently into his memory.