Dear Ash,
I was watching wrestling with some of my buddies in the dorm a couple of weeks ago and after watching them throw each other against the ropes for a couple of hours I noticed that I started to get a little hard.
Now I don't even want to watch WWF with my friends because I'm worried it will happen again and someone will see. Am I turning gay?
Help!
-- Confused in Tights!
OK, so you got a WWF induced boner. I wouldn't go frolicking off to any Pride marches just yet. The first thing you have to ask yourself is do you still like girls? I don't mean as friends or carpool buddies, I mean do you like the idea of hot monkey sex with a female? If the thought of naked women still makes your little buddy stand at attention then guess what, you're not gay! You might be bi-sexual but that's another matter. Further more no one "turns gay." It's not as if you can go through your life as a happy little heterosexual and then wake up one morning desperate to shag Bill from next door. So you got a hard on from watching wrestling, so what? Even if you did start getting turned on by a certain wrestler it wouldn't necessarily make you gay. There are some men and women out there who are heterosexual yet will have a same sex crush at some point in their lives. Human sexuality is way to complex to be defined by erections alone. Maybe all that sweaty action in the ring made you subconsciously think of sex and that made your trouser snake wake up. Or maybe the little fellow was anticipating an appearance by the Ho Train. Face it, the human wang can be a tricky thing. (And yes, I am trying to use as many cute names for the male anatomy as humanly possible). The important thing is not to panic and not to jump to conclusions.
Now, if you have established that you still like girls then you can probably stop reading this. Maybe somewhere down the line you will find that you like boys too and if so then you can write me again, but for now let's just focus on the gay thing. As I said before, one hard on does not make you gay. I suggest you take a lot of time and soul searching and openly ask yourself if you have ever found any men attractive. I know this can be a scary thing to do and the answer probably won't come over night. It could take days, weeks, even years before you figure things out. You might also want to try watching wrestling alone to see what happens. However, if you can't think of a single man who you would want to take a roll in the hay with and the thought of hot man on man action makes you feel all icky inside then chances are that boner you had was just a fluke and had nothing to do with the oily men in tights brawling before your eyes. In which case I suggest you taeke a deep breath and go reaffirm your heterosexuality with some Playboys and a bottle of baby oil.
Of course there is the possibility that you are incredibly, flamingly gay. You might find that you think several men are boner worthy and after awhile start pondering over whether you would prefer catching or receiving. You might also decide that women are gross and probably have cooties. If so then congratulations, you're gay! Now being gay doesn't make you effeminate, weak, or perverted. All being gay means is that you like people of the same sex. Aside from that you are still just like every body else and there is no reason that you cannot live a healthy, happy life. I would suggest finding some support groups either on campus or online to help you deal with your newfound lust for men. Once your are comfortable with your sexuality you can proceed to track down and nail the man of your dreams. The down side to this scenario, unfortunately, is that not everyone is as loving and open minded as yours truly. Personally I don't care what a person does in their private life, hell you could tell me that you like to screw trees and I wouldn't give a rat's ass. But not everyone is as enlightened. There are people out there who don't feel comfortable around homosexuals. Some are hateful pieces of shit, others are simply ignorant, homophobic or both. The point is that if you are gay and choose to come out of the closet you will run into these sorts of people and some of them may be your family and friends. Which is why it is absolutely essential that you create a strong support group of people who will stand by you if times get rough. In other word, before you go shouting from the roof-tops that you think Stone Cold is a dream boat make sure you have people to catch you if you fall.
That said I wish you luck on your journey of self discovery. I also hope that you can resume watching WWF with your friends as soon as possible. I know you are worried that they'll see your pants rise but quite frankly if they are monitoring your crotch that closely then maybe they should be the ones writing in to me!
Good luck.
-- Ash