Interview: The Goddess Perlman

When I learned that I would be interviewing Susannah Perlman for ScowlZine I will admit that I had my doubts. Not about Perlman mind you, but rather about whether or not I was the best choice for an interviewer. Let me put it this way, my musical influences are Guns N' Roses and Meat Loaf. At this point in my life I'm all about classic rock, hair bands and ICP. So I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn't like this person's music and would have to lie through my teeth when I wrote up the interview. Because, you see, there is a difference between not liking someone's music and having that person's music suck. Brittany Spears sucks (musically and other wise). Mozart was a genius but his music just doesn't do it for me. It is OK to lie about liking music that doesn't suck, it is not OK to like Brittany Spears. But I digress.

I actually did the interview with Perlman long before ever hearing her music. There were many scheduling conflicts and I was pretty damn ecstatic when I finally got to talk to the Goddess Perlman herself. The fact that I had yet to hear her songs was another matter for another time. Being that I despise interviews that focus only on where a person grew up and don't mention any aspect of the actual person, I tried to make the interview as easy going as possible. We chatted in between questions and I joked with the Goddess about her mother's burning desire to see her daughter married off. I talked about my Jewish Stallion, she told me about her brother the Rabbi.

As it turns out Perlman was born in Milwaukee, Wis. and was raised in Pittsburgh, Penn. As a young goddess-to-be Perlman adored singing. This was the result of when, around age 7, Perlman fell in love with the sound track from "Annie." (Frightening, I know, but stay with me). She'd sing at home, family get togethers, Bar Mitzvahs, etc. She actually got her music teacher at school put on a production of Annie with Perlman doing casting, costumes and starring in it. Eventually Perlman decided she needed a more fast paced and daring musical experience and joined "Up With People." I have never actually heard this groups work but from what I understand they travel around and use song to tell people to love each other. So far it hasn't worked but bless them for trying.

Perlman continued to grow older, as must we all, and in time went off to college at the University of Wisconsin. There she ended up majoring in history and continued to do shows. After college the Goddess did what every parent hopes deep in their hearts that their children will do, she went off to new York city to become a star. A Broadway star to be precise. At one point she also started to do stand up although she didn't like the limitations imposed on her by some bookers. You see, as we all know, women are only allowed to joke about their periods and relationships. Of course, that's just until the right man comes along. Then they can return to what they truly love, staying in the house so that they can prepare delicious, home cooked meals for their working husbands who complete them as no career or feelings of self worth ever could. Yet for some strange reason the Goddess Perlman would have none of this. In fact, she started writing songs for her act as if she were some man like Adam Sandler or the guys who do South Park! Her most popular piece was entitled, "Gay Guy Never Got the Sex Music," a haunting melody which laid bare the gross lack of sex scenes for homosexual men on Melrose Place. As it turned out the songs were a hit and it became clear that the Lord or Moses, or some divine figure wanted Perlman to start a band. And so it was that O. was formed in 1998.

What does O. mean you ask? It means lots of things. Orgasms, Oh Susannah, the sound her mother makes when she finds out about Perlman's latest artistic venture, etc. The band began doing shows which Perlman likens to "a demented Hee-Haw." Unlike other bands, who have the audacity to simply stand on stage and sing, O. gets the audience involved. There are skits and games like "Goddess for a Day" and "Who Wants to be a Mind Fuck?" The sketches include pregnant cheer leaders and tampons on job interviews with vaginas. They also pass around photos of Brittany Spears and other annoying young celebs which are then defaced by the audience. It was during the early years of O. that Perlman began to refer to herself as the Goddess Perlman which has stuck to this day. In the future the Goddess Perlman hopes to get more into film and video and start a production company. The band just recently did a video for the infamous "Ode to Ally McBeal" and Perlman says she really enjoyed the entire process. She even wants to settle down some day and have kids. So to you oh Goddess Perlman, your band, and your little dog Daisy who so delighted the residents of Chautauqua with her soccer playing expertise, I wish you all the best of luck.

But wait! What about the music? Did I ever get to hear the sounds of O.? Yes, yes I did. In fact I just finished and at the risk of making this article annoyingly long I am going to tell you all exactly what I think of it. The CD is called "Beating Around the Bush." If you want one you can go to www.goddessperlman.com and if you don't want one you can kiss my big white ass. Anyway, the cover of the CD alone is worth the money. Imagine the look of pride on your spouse or lovers face when you bring home a CD with a picture of a naked woman proudly showing off her bush on the cover. Better yet, that naked woman is Susannah Perlman.

Now I know what all you guys are thinking and yes, she has a great rack.

As for the music I would describe it as the big band era on Viagra. My personal favorites are "Sound of Love" which teaches every woman that battery powered gadgets are our friends, "Perky Nipples" which pokes fun at a show I hate (if you want to know which one buy the CD) and "Ode to Ally McBeal" which bravely addresses the issue of Ally looking like a drowned, malnourished Chihuahua. All in all, the CD kicked ass. Even my father liked it. So go buy the CD and make your lives that much more worthwhile. Then get off your asses and go see O. live in concert. They will be playing at Surf Reality (NYC) on both the 20th and the 27th of this month, (both are Thursdays). The show starts at 10:00 and it's a great way to get some booty. Don't ask how, just trust me. Surf Reality in located at 172 Allen St. at the corner of Rivington and Stanton, (lower East side). Enjoy!