Dear Ash I've been with my lady friend for about a month now, and she's the greatest thing in the world. I love her to death, but there's one problem. We've tried sex a couple times, and I do mean tried, but I can't keep a constant erection. When we first start kissing, the bone arrives fleetingly, but dies shortly after. As we progress through the love play, it makes a couple more brief appearances, but never stays. And on the few occasions when I've been hard enough to put em in, it would go all soft again while inside! That can't be good. I'm not impotent or anything, I know I can get an erection, cause I've been masturbating pretty constant for a good 4 years previous to meeting her. Could that be my problem though? Like I'm too familiar with myself and anyone else who tries is just too foreign for my penis's tastes? Also, this is my first experience with actual intercourse... does that have anything to do with it? What's wrong with me??
-- Killing me Softly
Well, well. It seems that your little buddy is jealous of the time your spending with your new female friend. First the good news, I highly doubt this is a medical condition. Since your self love sessions are going well there is little evidence to support a biological base for your misbehaving member. Never-the-less, I do suggest that you see a doctor just to be 100% sure that everything's OK downstairs. Better safe than sorry, right? Having said that, let us move on to more plausible causes for your wang problem. I have said it before and I will say it again, the human wang is a mysterious thing. One would think that it would be so simple; a girl starts showing some flesh and your soldier stands at attention. Unfortunately pornos have lied to us and guys cannot always get a hard on. My gut instinct is that the reason you're having difficulty maintaining the upright position is nerves, especially considering that this is your first relationship to include intercourse. Women are lucky in this respect. They can pretend to be having the time of their life and their partner need never be the wiser. Men, however, cannot fake an erection.
But that still leaves you with a limp dick so I'd better move on to the advice part. First off try to relax. I'm guessing that no matter how much you love your girlfriend you have certain things you are nervous about. Perhaps your worried about getting her pregnant or that you won't be able to satisfy her? These are perfectly normal fears. If you are worried about knocking her up make sure you always use a condom and if she isn't already on the pill ask her how she would feel about it. Also, consider using a spermicide for extra piece of mind. The two of you should also discuss what you would do if an unwanted pregnancy did occur.
Communication is essential. Make sure your girlfriend knows that you think she's hot as hell and that your "condition" is in no way a reflection of her shag-worthiness. As for being able to satisfy her, don't think you have to rock her Casbah the first few times around. Learning how to please a woman takes time, patience, and understanding. Talk to each other about what your turn ons are and share fantasies. Discuss what things you would like to do in the sack. I recommend taking a week or so for a little home work. Here's what I want you to do; once a day the two of you are to take time to pleasure one another without the expectation of intercourse. Start by kissing and fondling through clothing, then slowly undress each other and continue to touch, taste, and explore each others bodies. Get in bed together and experiment with different forms of foreplay. Remember, the goal of this is NOT intercourse, rather it is to learn to be comfortable with each other. There are many ways to get a woman off without the benefit of penis. You do have fingers and a tongue, right? Once you learn to be at ease in the sack it should only be a matter of time before you are the proud owner of a rock hard cock. You may then present it to your woman, perhaps with a red bow around it?
What you must remember is that so long as you are healthy and learn to take control over your nerves your problem will pass!! And don't think that you have to deal with it alone, if your girlfriend truly cares for you she will do everything she can to help you reach a reliable state of boner-dom. I wish you the best of luck in your sexual endeavors.
-- Ash