I was thinking recently (I know, it IS amazing). Basically, I'm fairly addicted to specific computer games. I think all of us at one point or another go through the addiction where you start seeing the game when your eyes close, or you hear a particular sound while eating your lunch or what have you.
For me, most recently, it's a nifty little NHL game. I'm a huge Flyers fan, so I created myself as a player and stuck myself as their first-line winger, you know, the usual fan thing to do.
I played the other night, literally, for about 5 hours straight. Now, that's a lot of slapshots, a lot of goals, and a lot of horns blaring when I score.
That night, I had a dream that I was a Flyer, scoring goals like crazy, thousands of adoring fans chanting my name...so on and so forth, and I thought today, what if somebody became addicted to a game to the point where they needed help...REAL help. Help they would understand?
Now let's switch gears, I'll get back to that point...
A person close to me (who will remain anonymous due to the nature and severity of their addiction) is hooked on a game called, "The Sims".
Now...I've been watching the game get played -- it's addictive. You take over these little peoples lives. You tell them when to eat, sleep, and shit. You tell them how to treat other people, when to feed the fish, when to go to sleep or call their friends, I mean really -- you are God.
The addict in question is so unbelievably hooked on the game -- it's like nothing I've ever seen, so I've decided to write to Maxis (they make the Sim stuff) and suggest a game designed specifically to 'adjust' the nerves in someone's head to the point where addiction in and of itself (in ANY walk of life) can be prevented. Even eliminated!
The game is called SimRehab, and the little people you control are SimJunkies.
Here are some features:
"SimRehab! The new title by Maxis that lets YOU recover!"
* 30 Exciting levels of gameplay featuring the beginner 'Occasional User' level all the way up to the killer, 'Fatal Abuser' level!
* 10 different scenarios and 50 different rehabilitation institutions to put your SimJunkie into! You'll never get "sick" of the lock-down possibilities!
* New MaxisVR(tm) Tokenology! So authentic you'll be drooling on your keyboard and twitching from withdrawal! (Maybe MOM can give you that FIX you need!)
* Developed specifically for this game, the RealHeave Simulation Engine(tm)! Comes with a kit of electrodes that you hook to your stomach from any Sound Blaster compatible sound card! The ultra-pulsing sound waves create stomach twitches that simulate REAL dry-hacking for that in-game realism you've come to expect from Maxis!
* An ultra-realistic soundtrack of dozens of screaming babies, slowed down Pink Floyd songs, and the repetitive snapping sound of tourniquets being tied on for that good ol' injection!
* The SimJunkie Internet kit! Share your trials and tribulations with other users on the net! You can upload your SimJunkie for others to suffer with, and in our 'Good Old Days' area, you can even see what your SimJunkie was like before he started his binge on heroin, cocaine, and crack! You can even place your pre-junkie Sim into the SimCity YOU'VE created to interact with SimDealers and coming in September, 2000, SimHo!
* As a free download from Maxis.SimRehab.com, you can get the "SimVirii Pack" which allows you to create and tweak any form of virus and infection you could possibly spread through shared needles in the SimRehab game! Watch it grip your SimJunkies and force them so far into submission that they'll demand thorazine from you!
And the list goes on, of course. I wonder what kind of a response I'll get to suggesting this? Perhaps they'll hire me as their creative guru? Maybe they'll send the FBI? Who knows. Although I think a little realism for once in our computer gaming world would be a wonderful thing, and I think SimRehab could actually do it!
Well, I've caused enough trouble for a colony of recovering druggies in this article, so I'm going to go turn off my computer, sell my car, and frolic naked in the woods of the Poconos for the rest of my life.