Personality Tests and a Side Order of Jalapeno Poppers

One of the more significantly loathed rituals, I feel, in society is the taking of a 'Personality Test' when applying for employment.

Here's my view. If you're going to give me a test to figure out if I'm a lunatic, please make it so even a lunatic couldn't fake it.

The job is located about a half hour from the new home, which by the way is very nice, and is for a technical support-like position. However this is a little different in that it's called 'level three' support.

Level Three support, to those of you who are blissfully unaware, means that basically the technician you're talking to can tell you every little thing you'd ever want to know and a lot more about a specific program or function on a computer. And likely, after telling you all about said function, they could explain your DNA chain and probably pull off something that would make the Amazing Kreskin seem like a complete turd. Of course, that wouldn't be terribly difficult, but you understand my drift.

So I get to this location after a phone interview which in my eyes is bullshit because all the guy did was tell me that my qualifications were impressive and he wants me to come in for, "A little testing."

Testing, huh? Okay, I can do that. I arrived the following day poised and ready after doing a significant amount of studying on MS Excel, which one of the tests would be on. Damnit, I was prepared!

The first test made me laugh. Questions like, "If you were in an argument with a co-worker, and you knew you were right you would:

A. Laugh in your co-workers face and call them platypus-poo.
B. Run over to your boss and demand your co-worker be fired.
C. Punch them.
D. Come to a peaceful agreement, calmly stating that you feel you are right on the topic, however your co-worker's view deserves a great deal of merit.

So naturally, I circled, "Punch Them."

Anyway, the test was also filled with GRIPPING math problems like 45X21 and such. I was wondering what type of third level support this was.

The next test was on Excel. The Gentleman administering the test came into the small room with me and said, "You will fail. Everyone does."

Well gee. Let's get started then. This was one of those 120 question tests that gets progressively harder. All on Excel.

First question?

When developing a Pivot Table, which of the following would be an invalid data source selector:

A. Paradox OLAP
B. Visual Basic
C. Something else that's very confusing
D. My God please get me out of here

The test was unbelievable and it got to the point where I just turned the answer sheet sideways and started drawing little mountains all over the place instead of trying to get the correct answers. If everybody fails, why bother giving somebody this test in the first place? Just stick to that "Retard-Barometer" and weed out the freaks.

Anyway, with great difficulty, I finished it up, and surprisingly, knew the answers to some of the more difficult questions. Overall, however, this was a cruel thing to do to a prospective employee.

Then another test. This one on the computer, and on Excel again. I did significantly better, I feel, as I was actually able to see things. The previous test was merely paper alone.

So now I sit and wait for this wacko to get back to me. He's been waiting for results for a week and likely will call me back next week extending some form of well-paid offer over to me. The one thing that makes me nervous is the 2-year commitment. I'm good with Tech Support, I've found that it's not nearly as daunting and tiring as I thought it was after my first techie job, however two years of talking with people who can't right-click may just toss me over the edge of sanity.

Too many irons in the fire, I think. I've got two other jobs lined up, but everything has to wait on the other in order for me to get a clear vision of what the hell I want to do.

Oh...and I ate Jalapeno Poppers last night, so I'm feeling a little ill. Those of you who are familiar with Morons will understand. Those of you who don't understand? Be thankful.