Oy! My Shoulders Still Hurt!
Jim Tries His Hand at Boxing

Well, valiant reader, its been a pretty hectic couple of weeks for yours truly. Took a week & a half off to burn some vacation time before all this Y2K silliness make every computer professional in the free world a virtual prisoner in his cubicle. Spent the time doing little day-trips with my wife & son, celebrating my 9th wedding anniversary (can you believe anyone could stand me that long), and doing some needed projects around my house. Then we had a crisis, my wife was laid up in the hospital for an operation we hadn't planned on that just happened to fall on her Birthday! But she is doing great now, thanks to the wonderfully caring staff at the Mid-State Medical Center. On behalf of Teresa & I... Thank You! But in the midst of all this tumult I had an experience I wanted to share with you.

I had my first boxing class. Now, anyone who knows me can tell you, I am not a "Health Nut" by even the LOOSEST definition of the term. I am admittedly out of shape & have questionable dietary habits. But Avery was teaching a boxing class at the office, and had asked me to attend so he'd have a friendly face in the group. I knew a lot of the people in the class, and thought this was one way I could FINALLY get in some exercise & have some fun with people I knew, that wouldn't laugh at me... at least not TOO much. So I showed up on that Tuesday night, well rested from my vacation, and ready to sweat. Well, I got the sweat part right!

First thing was jumping rope. I remember jumping rope when I was 8, but even then it was one of the long "Double Dutch" type affairs with someone twirling on either end. But this was ENTIRELY different - You have to move your arms as little as possible, use your wrists to move the rope, and just hop over the rope while staying on your toes at all times. I eventually got into a rhythm & actually made some progress for a bit... but after three minutes my heart was pounding in my chest & sweat was streaming down my face. And I still had 57 minutes to go!!!

Next was getting down our stance. This was kind of fun, and we learned why jumping rope is so important. Boxers try and stay light on their feet... always moving & never flat on the ground. This actually makes you very difficult to knock down. Add to that, maintaining a posture where you only present one side of your body to your opponent, and always keeping your guard up (i.e. your hands in front of your face) and you have the standard stance. But after all this time bouncing on the balls of my feet and jumping rope my calves were starting to burn! But I was determined to see this through.

Next was wrist wraps & gloves. Okay, I can catch my breath a little (whew!) Wrist wraps are long strips of gauze intended to provide extra support for your wrists & protection for your knuckles. Doing it the first time takes some doing, but it was a nice break. Now that the wraps are on, the gloves come next. Luckily they are only practice gloves and have velcro straps, rather than the traditional laces. Okay, now get into my stance and son of a gun - I almost LOOK like a boxer! Well, like Butterbean at least. But getting rid of the gut is why I'm here.

Now on to some footwork drills. I actually felt pretty good doing these, despite the fact that my partner kept laughing at me. And after a few minutes of dancing around in circles with each other I was starting to feel a little less stupid & the burning in my calves wasn't as bad as I thought.

Next was learning to punch. Watching myself in the mirror, and taking a little critique from the instructor I felt I had the hang of it. And I was being really good about getting my guard back up after each punch was thrown. A little motivation from Avery was helpful. He informed us that after this class, if ANYONE was caught with their guard down, they'd be doing 5 push-ups on the spot! Well, I am NOT going to embarrass myself by attempting even ONE push-up, so I had my hands nearly GLUED into position.

Okay, now that we leaned HOW to throw the punches, it was time to actually HIT something. Or make that someone. No, we are NOT swinging away at each other's heads, just throwing a punch into your partner's stationary glove. I've got a new partner now, of all people my old boss ! You'd think this would give me a little incentive - but no ! You see, this is the one real paradox in me taking a boxing class. I am about as passive as they come. I've spent my life trying to AVOID fights, and was really never very good at hitting things, so its sort of an unnatural thing for a guy like me to do. And, let us not forget that I am NOT letting my guard down! So priority number one was not hitting that glove as hard as I can, but getting my glove back where it is supposed to be. I REALLY hate push-ups ! I'm gonna have to work on that. This was not a problem for my old boss, considering his first punch nearly jarred ,my shoulder out of its socket ! But I still shouted encouragement to him. It just seemed like the GUY-thing to do

Okay, we're in the homestretch now. Class is almost over & I'm still standing. I heard someone say it was time for a cool-down. Boy could I use that! But first, 90 seconds of shadow boxing. "Yeah, Right!" Oops, I said that aloud. Okay, 90 seconds it is … how long can a minute and a half be? A whole lot longer than you'd think, let me tell you. But it was over, and we're just doing stretches & one last series of lunges (Yecch!) I took off my gloves & my wraps (Do my wrists REALLY sweat that much ???) and found the ink from the cloth had made a tattoo across my skin. Ahh, a badge of honor from a good workout ! I almost hated to wash it off, but I was in SERIOUS need of a shower.

So let this be a lesson to you all... if I can survive a whole hour of exercise, anyone can. And I mean ANYONE ! And with a little help from my good friend Mr. Ibuprofen, I might even live to see another class. After all, Tuesday is only 7 days away …